That day I was sitting in my class and talking to my friend (girl), when suddenly something strange happened. I thought somebody was pulling me from behind. In a moment I was sitting in one of the corner of the class. I don’t know how, but all the boys and girls were now sitting divided. I thought I was dreaming; but I wasn’t. All happened because BU has now decided to make boys and girls sit separately in class rooms. I flew to the corner the moment they passed the law unanimously somewhere in a luxurious hotel suite. I found some lines being drawn in my classroom. It was called the ‘Lakshmana Rekha’, and you couldn’t cross them. If you cross, you step into the girl’s territory and you will be fined Rs. 500. Safety of the girls has always been a concern for BU top brass. Evening I finished the class and came out to breathe in some ‘out of syllabus’ fresh air and tried to talk to one of my ‘girl’ friend but I couldn’t open my mouth. I think I saw a sticker like ‘no talking to BU girls’ on my lips. Before getting embarrassed, I scooted.

Next day, I went to college. I was shocked to see hundreds of nuns in my college. I thought they were going to conduct some gospel classes. But…the faces were similar. Yes, those were all my friends. Why did they look like nuns? Somebody told me that it was a precautionary step to keep the girls safe from boys, to keep them away from provocative actions from guys like me. It was called ‘dress-code’. Those dresses were not figure hugging, doesn’t reveal anything and was in tune with our culture. BU guys thought if I see a girl in t-shirt and jeans I will loose all control. They took the song ‘loose control’ in its literal meaning. Real nuns now look sexier than these BU girls. How I wish I was back in Montessori school where we used to play together. I saw new staircases being built so that we had separate ways. I wondered if I was supposed to marry a girl or a guy in future. If that was the case, I would become a gay. Girls would be aliens to us in one year.

One day I went to jog falls. One girl slipped and fell into a deep pit. I was the only ‘young’ guy around so everyone told me to help her. I was scared. First I asked her if she belonged to BU. She said ‘yes’. Ah, how can I help her? She is a BU product. The university insists that a girl should always get help from a girl. A boy is not supposed to talk to her, walk with her nor touch her. Now, should I help her? I told her that I will get a paper which she will have to sigh, saying that it was with her permission that I touched her, talked, and helped. I don’t want to be debarred form BU! I thought I will break the rule in the name of humanity (a great adventure). Before I turned to get a paper, she got herself out of the pit and gave a scorned look of her lifetime. What can I do; I’m just another law abiding BU product. And, self help is the best help.

Today I am very busy. All these media people are coming for interviews and all. I’m almost 85 years old, but still very healthy because of all the running I made during my BU days to get assignments corrected and to correct my certificates. Now I am called prankish (original name is Prakash) because some illiterate guy wrote so on my BU certificate. Tell me who was prankish; me or the BU guy. Now, I am a Guinness world record holder for not talking to a female for the maximum number of years. All my friends have died; otherwise I would have got competitors. Last year discovery channel did a study on a particular species called ex-BU students. These animals never talk to the opposite sex, even after marriage. The females wear peculiar dresses found only in the pre-historic era.
But my life is smooth because I married a BU girl. So we never talk. No quarrels and no divorce. If there is any problem, we just go to the ‘BU After Effects’ help desk. I wonder what would have happened to my life if there was no Bangalore University. Thanks BU.