I wish I could feel every single emotion. I wish I could feel your pain. I wish I could feel your misty eyes. I wish I could get into your mind and read the thoughts. I dream of getting to know your passion. I feel like crying with you, I feel like laughing with you. If only I could feel your tears of joy! This is life. Or maybe this is life as I want it to be. This is to know you. This is love for you. These are my thoughts. This is my desire. This is what humans can do. Nowadays, we seem to forget this.
Over a cup if coffee, you told me many things. I replied back. But could I attach the same intensity as you did? Could I get the emotions behind your words? Wasn’t I thinking about my superiority when you were asking me to love you? Didn’t I think how weak you were when you told me how much you care and long for me? Was it communication? I don’t think so. It was civilized comparison! It was cultured sympathy!
Didn’t I say ‘what a loser’ when I saw a beggar yesterday? Yes I did! I, myself is a beggar. So what was I doing? Yes, I was trying to be a rich beggar; a better beggar. I though I was a winner. Now I know I was loosing. I wish I had bought a cup of coffee for him. How cold it was yesterday! I couldn’t read the feelings behind his sleepy eyes. Yes, I couldn’t! Where is the humanism? Have I lost it? Or is it just momentary amnesia? Maybe yes. I talk about humanism now.
Did I shed a drop of tears when I saw the murdered on television? I think I didn’t. Why? Have I become stone hearted that blood of innocent people will not touch my heart? Did I feel the terror in the eyes of the small kid whose parents were lying in white dress?
I wish I had gone and kept my arms over his shoulders. Has murder become just another incident for me? Isn’t it killing of my brother and sister? I can find no proper answer.
How I took my friends for granted! How I wish they were here with me with our guitars and innocence! I wish I could enjoy now the moments we spent together around camp fire. I wish I could cover distances in seconds for I want to meet them. But I know the truth.
I wish I could know the meaning of money. I wish I knew the value of a million dollar cheque. I thought I need to make millions to know what life was all about. Now I know I need to know a million things to know what life is. I am ignorant of a million things. I am a pauper. Life is such a beautiful thing that sometimes it can be bought for nothing. But sometimes you won’t get it even if you have billions. Yes, it is a tricky thing but simply beautiful.
I keep my silence. I don’t wish to disturb. It is your business to know what each thing, each incident and each human represents. I have hope, which is a good thing to have. I don’t knock at every door. I do it just to make sure that my path doesn’t get blocked. The race is long. I decide whether to run or walk. I decide whether I should lead or follow. Anyway, the end is there and it is the same place for all of us.